Lessons.

I’m learning that if anything is true of the human heart, it’s that it can’t trusted. I’m learning that it’s seriously hard to change your misconceptions towards God. And I’m learning that God is faithful and patient. I’m learning a lot about lies, and I’m learning from the Truth. It’s been a week of spiritual struggle. 

It’s not that I’m in a spiritually difficult environment; it’s quite the opposite. It’s better for me to be here, right now, than anywhere else in the world. The truth is, I hate being still. It’s hard. It can be painful. Mostly, though, it makes me afraid. What will God make me face if I stay still long enough to listen? 

I’ve learned that spiritual struggle, no matter how ugly, is a perfect opportunity for growth. Every time I hit this wall, I end up realizing how my wholeness in Christ has nothing to do with me. That he’s begun a work in me that will not be left unfinished. 

It always sucks. It always seems like it will last forever. I’ve come to believe, though, that pain and struggle produce beauty. Not the type of beauty that Hollywood seeks, but a beauty that cannot be outdated. God didn’t intend for us to lock up our innermost struggles; we chose to do that. And it only makes us miserable. 

Maybe when we own up to our insecurity and brokenness before God, we’ll realize that this thing was meant to be lived second by second. That it’s okay to come to the most Holy Place just the way we are. That there is a joy in the journey. After all, our rightness with God has nothing to do with us. His love is not contingent upon how much we have figured out by age 20.